Phew

The interview went pretty well, I think.

Bosses will make their decision by the end of this week.

Phew.

Whether I’m offered the job or not, I’m still a winner.

Because I tried.

I’ve written before (not on this blog) about my paralyzing fear of failure that has been active for most of my life.

Age, and tons of therapy, has helped me to personally redefine failure.

In the past, I cowered in fear when faced with new challenges, as I was afraid of being laughed at, or not being perfect at, well, like, everything.

So I rarely tried to reach for the stars, because the anxiety generated by trying a new thing caused me to sweat, stammer, and talk like my mouth was full of marbles.

Life was safe, and humdrum, and like, dull.

As I got older, I became increasingly dissatisfied with playing it safe.

There was little anxiety in my life, but there was also very little joy.

Life was blah.

So I started taking chances.

In the 1990’s, I took some tentative steps into the unknown, by moving away from an upstate New York town (where I spent many unhappy years), back to a larger city, the city of my birth.

Then I started college (in my forties).

I didn’t sleep for the first three months.

I had diarrhea for six months.

Ouch.

Then I decided to go to graduate school.

I’ve learned a lot since those first steps into an uncertain world.

I don’t have to be perfect.

Ever.

And I’ve learned more from my failures than my “successes.”

So.

Whatever the outcome of my interview today, I’m still a winner.

Because I tried.

TTFN.

About boomergrl49

Mom, Grandma, retired social worker, blogger. I love reading fiction of all kinds, and I'm also addicted to television (Netflix, Hulu, Acorn, Amazon video).

Posted on December 10, 2008, in personal thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. This was your most brilliant post yet. Loved the way you wrote this. CONGRATULATIONS for taking a chance. Woo Hoo – bet you feel great now though. I tend to take the safe route too(although you wouldn’t guess if you read my blog) but get pushed by others to do things I wouldnt do. I think we are born that way and then circumstances shape us. Because my sisters and my own daughter have all the guts in the world. I knew there was something special about you. You are very wise. And if you dont get this job its ok because you have done something that is going to make you less fearful next time. And you did it yourself. Thats the best thing. Have a great, great night!!

    Like

  2. I am so proud to KNOW you 🙂and so honored 🙂

    Like

  3. Oh wow! Back to college in your forties. That’s so cool! I was very comfy in my life too, getting too comfy. It was boring. Then I opened my eyes and saw the injustice around me. I sew myself a Supergirl suit and am fighting villians. haha….

    Like

  4. Good for you. You are a winner because you tried.I know what it takes to go back to school at an older age. After marriage and having 5 children( Debo is #2) I got my degree in chemistry at the age of 41 and had a great career in the field, I also did some grad school in religion, but I haven’t finished. I’m thinking about finishing, because I don’t like leaving things incomplete.Take care of that sore throat.

    Like

  5. Muse,you are so sweet. thanks!

    Like

  6. Thanks, Lilly, I really value your support. Any wisdom I’ve been able to achieve is thanks to the school of experience 🙂Thanks again.

    Like

  7. eastcoast, you continue to be my inspiration! You are MY superhero. Hugs to you.

    Like

  8. Thanks Dakota Bear, for telling me about your experience also. A degree in chemistry–wow! I’m off to work soon, but taking care of my sore throat.

    Like

  9. Hey we will all be cheering for you but win or lose you went for it and that’s what really counts,cheers friend.

    Like

  10. Floyd, I’ve successfully detached myself from the outcome of this job possibility. If I’m offered the position I’ll take it, but if theychoose someone else, I’ll wish that person well. Thanks for the support!

    Like

%d bloggers like this: